My Mom Is My Why

My mom had asthma for as long as I can remember, but TMJ was the first thing I remember going wrong. I was still a kid when we were eating dinner and my mom's jaw made this loud popping sound. I think she was in her late 30's early 40's? It wasn't long after that she began having trouble talking on the phone. It would irritate her ears and make her feel dizzy. Dizzy quickly turned to nausea and vomiting. She was diagnosed with Meniere's Disease which made her job as a receptionist impossible and was eventually put on disability.

I have spent my adult life watching my mom's health slowly and steadily decline. Fibromyalgia was the next debilitating disease to hit. This was possibly the most devastating to date. With this came chronic pain, depression, and fatigue with little desire to improve. To add insult to injury there were about 10 years of the most intense menopause symptoms you could ever imagine. Crying jags, rage, heart palpitations, hot flashes, insomnia, you name it.

When she hit 50 or so, the chronic diseases just continued to compound, one on top of the other. Osteoarthritis, Osteoporosis, Skin Boils, Brain Fog, Emphysema, COPD (she still smokes), Allergies, Lethargy, Incontinence, Insomnia...... the list is long.

Then there was the time she was rushed to the ER and almost died from Gangrene. It was spreading so fast, they were having a hard time removing it faster than it was spreading. It is a miracle she lived. They almost lost her on the table. Gangrene is often found in people with autoimmune diseases and those who experience Raynaud's Phenomenon. I can't even tell you how freaked out I am over this since I have struggled with Raynaud's for the last 6 years and just learned this tonight.

Even after surviving this deadly encounter and healing nicely, my mom showed little to no drive to change her lifestyle, switch doctors, or improve her diet. I'm not going to lie, our relationship is complicated to say the least, but that has been the hardest thing to come to terms with. Watching someone you love completely give up and wait to die is by far the hardest thing to watch, and I had no control to make it better.

Were we ready for a round two brush with death? Ready or not she was diagnosed with colon cancer. It was an antagonizing journey of waiting and decisions. I am happy to report it was removed and she has been cancer free for 3 years now.

Despite a third chance at life my mother continued to decline, unable or unwilling to live. For the past 20 years she has stayed in her house, sleeping and lounging. On the rare occasion she would leave her house it would make her so sore and ill with her body no longer use to mobility, that it would take her weeks, sometimes months to heal from one outing. Along with celebrating 3 years of cancer free, my has been diagnosed with Atrophy.

My mom is my why. While our relationship has been the biggest struggle in my life, watching her has been my greatest source of strength and determination. I have been struggling with my thyroid for the last 7 years and a lot this past year. Through research I asked my doctor to test my antibodies and sure enough, I have Hashimoto's. Throughout my research I have discovered that most of my mother's illnesses can be connected to Hashi's . Her doctor has tested her thyroid, and like so many conventional doctors, he has told her she is in the normal range, so she remains undiagnosed.

My doc can do very little for me. It is in my hands, and while I will always be hypothyroid, I will reverse and remiss Hashi, mark my words.